Nothing

And as if to complement my previous post, here is a report in SI.com that tells us that urine samples taken in the 2003 baseball season show that Alex Rodriguez used steroids. This from unnamed sources, of course, because we all know we wouldn't want to be caught dead with my name on a reports that shows that I also leaked proprietary information to the public, no matter what the ethical question may be. That's all beside the point.

What it says to me is that there is nothing worth being honorable about or for anymore. The tanking economy has pretty much taken care of that. But there has been little to no honor among anyone for years in sports, in public or private life, in anything that involves our capitalist part of the world. I am only beginning to accept that, I suppose. Maybe not, given what I wrote to my friend Alex Belth:

"I'm so tied up in knots for no reason, or perhaps there is reason for me to be angry. I might as well just give up following sports altogether; I already gave up following college sports and there's really nothing left except to play in rec leagues. I am not surprised or hurt by A-Rodman and woman for his or herself, like everyone's fighting over scraps; reporters, coaches, athletes, owners, everyone. I'm angry that my love of the game is being obscured and stomped on by such menial and disingenuous arguments over honor, when such honor has not existed in years.

And if I had kids, what could I say? Play fair and you'll be poor, but honorable to the fans who remember not to boo you for not being as good as the cheaters? And then, my roommate chides me for getting mad, saying that we live in a capitalist society and that it's set up this way so that the only way you can be successful is to do something dirty. Well, what's the point of an education? Why can't we just banish ethics and legalize narcotics and guns? Every man for himself, right?

Let kids just drop out of school whenever they feel like, because ultimately they will learn to be successful by following the criminals with the most money, and then when they get into a position of power they can decriminalize the very acts that made them rich and powerful. Why lie? Just put it all out in the open and say what you're doing is for money, not for any good of the game or for the people. Screw people, it's every man and woman for themselves. It's a farce, isn't it? Why don't I start selling drugs and stop complaining about not getting those opportunities I've been working hard for? It works for a lot of others, why not me?

Have I hindered myself with ethics, did I buy into a great lie that says I should work hard and stay on the straight and narrow? I don't get it, and that's why I'm where I am, I guess."

Am I wrong for feeling this way? I must be naive, but what difference does it make? I've been hanging on by a thread since I came to the City, and now a whole lot more people are joining me and saying that the rules don't apply anymore. I'm heartbroken over having to choose over being an honorable fool or a well-off bastard. If I had gone along with what was expected of me by most, I wouldn't even be thinking about this. I'd either be dead, in jail, or living a lavish life in a penthouse in the most expensive city in the country.

Well, tough.