Thursday, January 8, 2009

To The Section 8 Hillbillies Who Live Upstairs...

You are too noisy. You are loud, obnoxious slobs who are accelerating the depreciation of this shared, yes SHARED establishment. The only thing worse than the house exploding or just falling apart around our ears is you living here. You have a hearing problem: you only hear what you want to hear, and that's a problem. The landlord told you. The neighbors told you. Hell, even the dog told you. So how about a nice warm cup of STFU and a U-Haul to carry it to your new hole in the wall (as illustrated above), where you can be you and the world can be safe from your perpetual state of "Duh"... and take the cock-a-roaches you brought into this world with you as well. I mean c'mon, we can hear the whole town of Amityville chanting from here; it must be for you. Have you figured out yet why the mailman keeps leaving flaming paper bags at your door? I should warn you that Paramount Pictures is sending their lawyers after you; the way you all walk across the bare floor upstairs reminds everyone of the movie "Elephant Walk". But I won't warn you about that, I'll let them drive you out like Thelma & Louise. Bottom line, you helped heroically in the effort to give Section 8 recipients a bad name. I know you are not proud people; just stupid, so I will put this in as simple terms as you might be able to understand:

Get... the hell.. out. Now. Go away. Live in your own world somewhere else. Good-bye. Go.

P.S.: The illustration is a suggestion of sorts. Don't take too long to figure it out...

(I am accepting all donations of leftover change you don't care about in our ongoing effort to move away from these, umm... people. Everyone deserves to have a home and live in comfort, and I in no way intend to disparage Section 8 recipients, just the brain damaged farm animals who live upstairs. I figure since this will likely go over their heads like clouds on a windy day, it's better if I take my own advice and high-tail it to a less-intense part of the tri-state area. For details, leave a message and I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience (i.e. I set up an email and P.O. box) That way, everyone's happy! Now, bedtime... >;)

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