Sunday, March 30, 2008

My Apologies For the Absence

I've been away from here for sometime, and I have to say how sorry I am to have not shared my anger and bitterness with certain factors that have made me bite my tongue of late. In no particular order, those things are as follows:

- Inconsiderate asshole neighbors above our basement apartment in a private home.
- Lack of work available in my field (until recently).
- Lack of sleep (see above).
- Considerable stress while directly addressing the above.
- Repeated exposure to hopelessness in a hopeless region.
- Compounding depression and health issues due to stress.
- Anxiety in taking steps that will ultimately change my life for the better.

Why that last one? I'll let you in on something, I'm involved in a serious writing project involving several screenplays, one of which is in the beginning stages of development. There is a dependancy from others that I know I have in myself to relieve, but because of the many stresses listed above, I am having considerable trouble in moving forward with these various projects. These projects will change my life, so why can't I focus and get them completed?

Spike Lee once considered (and cowrote with Ralph Wiley) a book dealing with the stress of making his movie, Malcolm X, which he titled something like "How To Make A Movie With A Million Muthafuckas Jumping On Your Back". I'm gonna pick up that book really soon, and give it also to my producing partner for his own sake. Speaking of movies that people were scared of, I watched The Spook Who Sat By The Door, and I just finished reading the book by Sam Greenlee. Another wowzers from me, and I'll have a full review of them shortly. All that to say this: there's a lot of stuff on my mind, and right now, I don't have enough outlets to alleviate the building stress. I see why so many good writers end up on drugs or doing crazy things with themselves, but I'm just a bit to out-of-touch with civilized society to partake in such grounding activities, sorry.

But back to my original thoughts. My family, being what it is, is far too distant and immersed in similar issues to be of much comfort, and my friends... well, my are friends and they have lives of their own, which do not include having to relate to me and my issues on a daily. I've always felt like one that slipped through the cracks anyway, so it's not something that society has to take a stand on. Perhaps by the time my birthday rolls around (April 7, a little more than a week from now for those interested), I'll be a little more upbeat about my own situations. But just so you know where I've been, yeah, I'm handling some very big issues on my own as usual, and as usual I'll pull through. Later >;)


Smartphone said...
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macedonia said...

hang in there, brother. hope you have a moment to smile come the 7th.