Sunday, March 30, 2008

My Apologies For the Absence

I've been away from here for sometime, and I have to say how sorry I am to have not shared my anger and bitterness with certain factors that have made me bite my tongue of late. In no particular order, those things are as follows:

- Inconsiderate asshole neighbors above our basement apartment in a private home.
- Lack of work available in my field (until recently).
- Lack of sleep (see above).
- Considerable stress while directly addressing the above.
- Repeated exposure to hopelessness in a hopeless region.
- Compounding depression and health issues due to stress.
- Anxiety in taking steps that will ultimately change my life for the better.

Why that last one? I'll let you in on something, I'm involved in a serious writing project involving several screenplays, one of which is in the beginning stages of development. There is a dependancy from others that I know I have in myself to relieve, but because of the many stresses listed above, I am having considerable trouble in moving forward with these various projects. These projects will change my life, so why can't I focus and get them completed?

Spike Lee once considered (and cowrote with Ralph Wiley) a book dealing with the stress of making his movie, Malcolm X, which he titled something like "How To Make A Movie With A Million Muthafuckas Jumping On Your Back". I'm gonna pick up that book really soon, and give it also to my producing partner for his own sake. Speaking of movies that people were scared of, I watched The Spook Who Sat By The Door, and I just finished reading the book by Sam Greenlee. Another wowzers from me, and I'll have a full review of them shortly. All that to say this: there's a lot of stuff on my mind, and right now, I don't have enough outlets to alleviate the building stress. I see why so many good writers end up on drugs or doing crazy things with themselves, but I'm just a bit to out-of-touch with civilized society to partake in such grounding activities, sorry.

But back to my original thoughts. My family, being what it is, is far too distant and immersed in similar issues to be of much comfort, and my friends... well, my are friends and they have lives of their own, which do not include having to relate to me and my issues on a daily. I've always felt like one that slipped through the cracks anyway, so it's not something that society has to take a stand on. Perhaps by the time my birthday rolls around (April 7, a little more than a week from now for those interested), I'll be a little more upbeat about my own situations. But just so you know where I've been, yeah, I'm handling some very big issues on my own as usual, and as usual I'll pull through. Later >;)

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Mom & Terry's Birthday

Today is Mom & Terry's birthday. I had planned on writing something deep and emotional, but for some reason I didn't. Perhaps what I wrote earlier said much of what I would have said on this occasion, or perhaps what I intended to say didn't jibe with what I should say.

I went to Uncle Woodrow's home today and it wasn't until I was ready to leave that it occurred to me to remind him. It's not that we forgot; how can you forget them? It's probably more to the effect that I don't feel morbid about it, especially on their birthday. I am sad; there have been many changes and experiences in my life even in the past year that I wish I could sit down and share with them. Still, I'm happy and very proud of them and what they brought into the world.

The picture above was taken from either 1986 or 1987 when we were about to go out to dinner; Terry on the left and Mom on the right. In my family, we have rather hearty laughs, and aside from myself, rather nice smiles when we open our mouths. Looking at these pictures, I'm reminded of life and how much spirit and fun we all had when we all got together in one place. I also love how surrounded by nature we were; or so it implies. You'd never see so many trees in a residential development as you would in our neighborhood, which was formerly part of a huge apple orchard in a past life. Thus, our neighborhood was called Orchard Homes, and we lived on Orchard Drive.

From what I understand, the house is no longer there; a different house stands in it's place. Same as me. Happy Birthday, Mom & Terry... I miss you.