I'll just take a moment from my series on my relationship with Hip Hop to rant about my strained relationship with social media for a moment (because I have a headache and time on my hands)...
As you know, I hate Facebook. I've left and come back on several occasions because I grew tired and frustrated with the content of the site and the site's continued manipulation of members and said content. Yet I still maintain a presence on the site in order to communicate with people who otherwise would not hear from me or are too averse to using other methods to share thoughts and ideas with me. This I find both irritating and a relief (ooh, conflict!) because I don't talk much in person and even though I'm friendly, I don't embrace the idea of being around people for an extended period of time unless I know them really well and know that they actually don't mind me being around them. Workplace friendships are fine, but it's a different story after work when you notice that you don't have much in common with your work buddy and it gets awkward.
To me, social media has much of the same dynamic; you communicate on a shared topic and maybe engage in playful banter or have rip-roaring fun playing with words, or maybe enlightening each other with information and trivia. But when the idea of actually getting together to hang out becomes and option, it gets awkward. You make promises, but never keep them, You hide away from repsonding, pretending you never saw the proposal in the first place. So many ways to hide from actual contact; a behavior which you may or may not have grown accustomed to. I admit it, I'm guilty of this on many occasion. Technology and perhaps middle-aged perspective have put chains on my youthful enthusiasm and idealism to my consternation. Might I also add that the direct assault on my senses and intelligence by a majority of internet content and all media platforms have severely damaged my faith in human nature. To put it bluntly (and quote an actual friend of mine): I'm disappointed in people. That's interesting; I had faith and expectations in the level of kindness and consciousness of humans once and it's been compromised by their overall nature. So much so that Facebook has a fairly accurate count of the people who I would consider trusting enough to want to share intimate thoughts with, were it not for the fact that the whole world could potentially have access to them and contort them or use them against me in any manner possible. If I were to take that thought deeper, I could say that I would think I am a victim of my own hubris; thinking that my thoughts are far more important than they actually are, and social media exposes the ugly truth in numbers, clicks and view counts. Can I object to this?
Yes. I don't really care about those things because this blog is not about furthering a cause or monetizing or exploiting its content. When I'm ready to do such things, I'll put it all someplace where everyone can pay to read my thoughts. But I know that virtually no one cares what I say, and I can ramble on like this for pages without a single content. I won't beg you to look at anything you might or might not find interesting. I'm trying very hard to rediscover that madness that kept me doing things like this, especially with my comics. My cartoons were everything to me at one point early in my life, and they effectively helped me save my life. I haven't been able to draw them for some time now, probably because I needed to focus on the everyday challenges of living on my own, with my own hands and feet and associated extremities and organs and skin. Yet, I find I need them again. I need to reconnect with something that had a purpose and gave me the reason to keep facing the next day. So as I rant and tell you how angry I am with people, I need people to understand that my intentions are well. I will not seek destruction or go out in a blaze of glory over some random or inexplicable cause or thought. I am not sick, dying or losing touch with my senses. I'm trying very hard to be human in an inhuman and inhumane world that's going more and more digital by the second. I don't want to be a quantity, an digit or a file in someone's computer. I just need someone to know that it; life, living and all that fits that description matters to me, and maybe I'll feel better if I know it matters to you.
I have a headache, and maybe just a little bit of heartache. I'll leave you with that, and return soon with my continued thoughts on the current topic. Thanks for the time and consideration.